You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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