I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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