I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
