fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
