3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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