are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
