JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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