I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
