Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
