You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
