At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
