So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
