You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
