i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
