those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish my penis had a tongue
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
