doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
