did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
