Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
