he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
