Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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