there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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