You just made me feel so damn special
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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