So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize