The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
