I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize