I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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