how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
