420 ftw
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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