Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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