"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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