I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
