just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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