god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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