she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
