He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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