I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I love having hate sex.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
