His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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