Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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