how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
