I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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