so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think people are normalizing furries
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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