god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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