I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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