This is not my ceiling
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
