You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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