i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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