Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize