Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
