I cockslap morals
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I could make wine with my vomit
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
