I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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