i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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