Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
