Small penises have feelings too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
