I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
