yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
