Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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