I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
