At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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