Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
