Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
