And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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