We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize