I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
