dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
