watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
