I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
