Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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