Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
