According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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