I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
