i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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