apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
