Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
