We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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