Pappa wants mamma naked
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
