if you like me you must not know who I am
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
