Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
