Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
