Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
