FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
