I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
