im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
